fear and doubt

i'm at my worst now , i'm trying to keep myself together , not broken down :) i fear so much that this will end right here and right now. i don't even know what is happening to you right now, i'm dying to hear the voice of yours , the voice so warm that can calm the raging storms.

i need you , my mind is producing quite hefty amounts of thoughts , stupid ones . what if you disappear, what if you're forced to stay there in 2011 , what if we won't be seeing each other anymore , what if you're found out , what if this is then end , what if i completely lose track of you , what if .. what if .. and what if .. D':

i don't want that to happen , i really don't. it would be like getting myself lost in amazon forest without basic survival needs. it would be like getting lost in an endless nightmare filled with doubts and fears )': it would be like losing everything . yes, everything . you impacted so much of my life that it would be like living with no air if you ain't here baby :(

so please , please , let me know what's happening

i can't afford losing you, i really can't.

dang .. (:

i just want you to know . no matter how moody i get . no matter how bad the situation gets . no matter how bad i treat you . no matter how ignorant i may be towards you . no matter what i said . i will not leave you (: . "this may sound a little bit cheesy but, i want you to know that i love you, and always will ♥♥"

loves, boyfriend ;)

i thought you'll pick up

you said you will

never mind never mind never mind never mind

i tell myself it's fine .

it'll get better :) so yeah . i'm fine . perfectly fine :D

i'm not gonna do anything anymore . (:

stupid me , *giggles

elationthatiwannadie

i'm elated . to keep it simple . yeah i'm elated . over-elated to be exact ;)

because of today and last night . for the advanced birthday celebration . (it's over-advanced :D)

well who cares anyways about the time and date? <:

thank you for the chocolate cake . though i don't really like chocolate, i can feel the tastiness inside every bite . yum <: now i know and i feel the great difference when you eat cakes alone . and when you share it with someone you dear <: (awww cheesiness :D)

and then for the surprise . it was like . my dad telling us that we are going for a japan trip wooo! <: and i am not exaggerating anything it felt like that , seriously *winks

then at night . the eye popping japanese horror movie . that i somehow managed to survive watching <: you squeezed my hand so tight that it somehow made me breathless x) haha (it was a nice movie , i like it)

i shall omit the *ehem winks winks* it was great basically . phenomenal

then for the spending the entire day with meh . watching movies :> eating potato chips

what more could i ask for? <: with this post, i wanna thank you A BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH for this . celebration

hugs and kisses. and more kisses and more ;)
loves, Michael

hi <:

hi there :>

CONTINUATION =D

CONTINUATION OF .... WHATEVER XD

so the lesson begins, i'm gonna skip all that, since i don't really remember what happens next after this, hmmm wait let me recall ... OH! i remember we're going to the NUSChoir at first i thought that it's gonna be very boring i mean VERY. but it turn out the other way round =D

so when the school ends, i think i went to White Sands with VJ and Kreish, and we bought a cup of "oreo Mc flurry" there there kreisha, since you dont have preparation to buy it ... it's my treat then XD "take it or else! lol" so we went up using the lift and went inside popular bookshop with our Mc Flurry, i 'thought' we can't go in with food from outside XD we ventured the whoooole bookshop. after we're almost done, i think VJ bougt something ... we stopped for some while staring at some books. Kreish started calling VJ and me. it turned out that those books kreish were referring were all about relationship i remember one book titled :"why man needs a bitch" o.o okay forget it xD after that, we went to library and i borrowed two books. Kreisha is really a bookworm xD i salute you kreisha =)) we sat in the library's FLOOR, talking about some stuffs like Stephen King books. i have one called DreamCatcher but i didn't manage to read it because of ... laziness? probably

again, we traveled down with lift again sigh~ technology makes people lazy.then we went out from the mall and kreish went back to ... change? bathe? XD i don't know haha. so it's VJ and me. VJ again, was hungry and bought some snacks and me too bought "some" i mean one =) I LOVE THE CURRY PUFF YUMMMM! then VJ went back to ... change? bathe? i don't know haha! so it's me alone now. i was bored ,seriously bored. i went inside the mall again , i walked around aimlessly ... and went up using elevator haha. and i went to the toilet. o.o i sat in the toilet for like .... 1 hour? i don't know, i can't precisely remember the time xD i sat down there, and read the book that i borrowed from the library. sigh, so so so bored xD.

after that, i returned to school with some sec ones, prefer sec threes 'cause they are more matured obviously. then on our way to school, i could see my bio teacher walking coolly with black sunglasses she was looking at me or maybe staring at me ... nevermind. so we arrived i could see some people were already there. only some people didn't go home and were still in uniform including me. after a tedious moment of waiting most people were there. but i didn't see VJ and kreish wth. i called them, sent them sms ... VJ = "i slept, OMG ..." kreish ="OMG i almost forgot, i'll be there ..." ..... SIGHS ...... then VJ came with ... sleepy face, we went inside the bus and i sat on the front and the bus took off o.o and we could see kreisha running XD her hair was a mess. so the journey begins XD. i mean begun.

we travelled travelled and travelled until we finally arrived at esplanade .... okay
TO BE CONTINUES C: I'M TIRED XD

sigh~ tired~ but it was worth watching =D

** please note that this post will be much more longer **

UGHH today i didn't go to school, too bad ... the alarm didn't manage to wake me up or perhaps i'm too tired to wake up i suppose ... today , we're not having lessons because today is "Sport's Day" so we're told to go to the tampines stadium at 7 15 or i don't know haha. so i failed to wake up, and ended up waking up at 9 30 wtf. when i woke up i was like 0.0 nevermind i won't die just because of not attending that sigh~ okay i got a loadss of reasons for not being able to wake up but i'll just summarise it xD so i'll be "REASON WHY I DIDN'T WAKE UP"

~ so here's the story
yesterdat was wednesday, i'll tell you the whole story from the beginning.

(i'm trying to write it in present tense and i realised it's so hard)
10 - 3 - 2010
i woke up at 5 ... "WHAT? DID U SAY ?" yes 5, i intentionally set my alarm to 5 and i have 2 alarm on standby in case i did not wake up haha when i wake up i can see something flashing outside my window, my spirit is lifted, my excitement grows stronger "IT'S RAINING!!!!!" HALLELUJAH IT'S RAINING!! i wish i could wake up and enjoy the sound of the thunder and the flashy lighting, but i'm just too sleepy *YAWWN so i plan to sleep again SNNOREEESSS (i don't really snore when i sleep, i have bed manner and table manner XD)... so i sleep

then the second alarm rings!! this time, the alarm sounds comes from the clock the first alarm came from my phone =)) this time i wake up, feeling so blur i don't even bothered to look at the clock. sleepily, i take my towel, my toothbrush, toothpaste, soaps, shampoo, and facial cleanser ... i have been having problems with pimples lately (GO AWAY PIMPLES!) then ... i realised there is someone in the bathroom, i walk back to my room and throw everything on the floor. looking at my phone, i realised "AGAIN!" i still have 25 minutes to sleep so i sleep again~

then the final alarm rang i rise from my bed lazily, and again i take the things i threw on the floor and head to the bathroom .... the water is chilly *YAY IT RAINS* bathing does not really energize me it is just to get rid of my sleepy hair and face . then in my room again, my parents call me asking me whether i'm still sleeping, are u awake? have u taken a bath? yeah ... that's what parents do right? but i think they don't need to do this i'm old enough to take care of my own things =) or maybe not xD they just don't trust me yet maybe someday they will. i thenhave a small glass of miloo ahhhhh,~heaven~ it feels so nice, so warm but then as i look at the clock ... i think i'm gonna be late! NO!!! plus! my earphone is missing!! earphone! where are you earphone!?? i search all places for it and suddenly remember MY POCKET , oh gawd. it's in my pockets. LET's GO!

outside, it feels much cooler and colder. my umbrella breaks o.o so i'll have to walk under the rain ( I LOVE IT ) im waiting for the bus and finally one comes. there's too many people inside, that's the reason i hate taking bus, *squeeze squeeze excuse me excuse me* but this time, i can't even get inside, im standing near the door. and suddenly the door just closed OO WTFUCK! snap! my bag and half of my body was trapped, luckily it doesn't hurt and the driver is sorry for it hehe everyone's looking at me now damn~ i wanna get out of here !

soon, i arrived at the MRT station (hella troublesome, bus, train, walk, then school sighh) inside the train, nothing much happened i met my friend inside. then we arrived *again haha. the rain hasn't stopped yet. furthermore, it's getting heavier when i was walking umbrella-less haha, but i think it is fun, way too fun. then suddenly my friend that i met inside the train came to me and said "u don't have umbrella why don't you tell me" he's holding an umbrella my heart thinks " wow, there are still a lot of good people out there haha" then i told him it's okay i love it. till i arrived at school the bell rang, .... okay, i'm late (YAY I'M LATE) since it's raining, i have no choice but to be late hahaha. a lot of people are late! usually we will be having rounds of reflective walks when we're late (as punishments) but today we're not gonna do that =D thank you rain, you save people's lives. we go back to class, and so the lesson begins~

TO BE CONTINUED C: